Aitakute Aitakute
by serene-lourage
Summary: 「I miss you, I miss you so much I'm shaking. The more I think of you the further away you feel. Even if it's a lie, say to me once more. Like you did that day, "I love you..."」 Just a little something for EnKaze day ! Don't like don't read.


*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _Aitakute aitakute furueru_

「 _I miss you, I miss you so much I'm shaking_ 」

 _Kimi omou hodo tooku kanjite_

「 _The more I think of you the further away you feel_ 」

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

A ray of sunlight came through the window, illuminating the once dark room. Kazemaru sluggishly woke up, a bitter taste greeted him at the fine morning. He wasn't usually one to sleep in nor to wake up idly, but he had a feeling it won't be much of a pleasant day. He walked out of his room, passing an old photo.

Not knowing why exactly, he went to take a closer look at it. It was a picture of him and Endou at the first day as first years in Raimon, both grinning happily. _Endou…_. Kazemaru missed him, he missed him so much. They've shared too much together, he couldn't just throw those memories out. They've been friends elementary and they were still together ever since. Heck, they've even dated! But it all changed before and after **that** day…

Letting those thoughts get the best of him, his shaking was left unrealized, until he shook them off. 'No, don't think of him. He's nothing but a friend, accept it Ichirouta!' No matter how much he told himself that Endou is a married man, he just couldn't accept the heart-stabbing truth. And with each flashed memory, the distance between the two childhood friends feels much further.

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _Mou ichido kikasete uso demo_

「 _Even if it's a lie, say to me once more_ 」

 _Ano hi no you ni "suki da yo"tte_

「 _Like you did that day, "I love you…"_ 」

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

Kazemaru hung his head low, everything Endou-related affects him much more than it should. 'I love you, Ichi.' The four words he longed for ever since **that** day was heard in a whisper. He immediately turned to wherever he thought the voice came from, but failed, realizing it was probably a memory. The nickname Endou and only he was allowed to use, also the three simple words that never fail to increase his heart rate no matter how long they were in a relationship.

The whisper he heard, it was probably him remembering how often his brown haired lover used to say the three words he never got tired of. But no matter how often he heard him, he needed him to say it to him once more, even if it wasn't the truth. It reminded how he said it the day their hearts united, the day they confess what they had wasn't mere friendship. _'I love you.'_

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _Kyou wa kinen bi hontou dattara_

「 _If today was our anniversary_ 」

 _Futari sugoshite ita ka na_

「 _I wonder if we'd spend it together_ 」

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

Kazemaru decided it was wise to have breakfast first, if he was about to walk through memory lane, at least he would eat a bit. He approached the kitchen and rummaged the freezer, looking for some edible leftovers. Sometimes he'd forget that he even saved leftovers, so it was left to rot. Finally finding some leftover pizza, he placed it in the microwave. Whilst placing the frozen food inside the small microwave, he viewed the wall calendar conveniently placed on top of it. March 12th, ah, quite a memorable day.

It was their anniversary, and it has always been the day both of them couldn't wait for. They used to spend the day together, whether it was just cuddling while watching a movie or even an expensive candlelit dinner. But today, it gave him a bitter taste first thing he woke up, and he knew today won't be his day. A question remained unasked in Kazemaru's head; are they going to spend it together?

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _Kitto kimi wa zenbu wasurete_

「 _I'm sure you've forgotten all about us_ 」

 _Ano ko to warai atteru no?_

「 _Are you laughing with her?_ 」

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

The slices of pizza tasted bitter, just like how he feels about today. It only served as energy to start the day he wanted to end so quickly. Might it be the bitterness he feels about the obvious answer to his question? He knew very well how his former captain is, he's a carefree soul, he won't concern over something that's no more. But unlike Endou, Kazemaru was the opposite. He couldn't just let the past pass through easily, letting go was hard for the teal haired man.

He took a sip of the tea he made, still bitterness. How so? He might take a wild guess of what the brunette is doing, but knowing how highly likely it was pained him nevertheless. He has always brought a smile to anyone's face, friend or foe, he'd be able to do it. He was sure the married couple were enjoying each other's company, having a delightful chat or even laughing; something the former captain of Dark Emperors missed.

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _Zutto watashi dake ni kureteta kotoba mo yasashisa mo_

「 _The words and kindness that you always saved just for me_ 」

 _Daisuki datta egao mo zenbu_

「 _The smile I loved, everything_ 」

 _Ano ko ni mo miseteru no?_

「 _Do you show them to her too?_ 」

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

'Your speed really is something!' A flash of Endou's grin and one of his heart warming compliment brought a smile to Kazemaru's bitter mien. Endou used to compliment him so much, the defender couldn't count how often the goalkeeper embarrassed him with a flood of compliments. Although the tealnette himself couldn't see why the brunette admired him so much, he also looked up to the soccer freak. But was it really just for him? He can bet a certain amount of money that the said soccer freak has at least complimented his wife once.

Also the smile he flashes every once in a while, it was one of the many simple things he loved about his former lover. Although his smiles are something ordinary, a part of him just can't get over how precious it was. Although smiling was a habit of the optimistic boy, there were smiles seen only by Kazemaru. But how special is that when Endou was no longer with him?

Kazemaru was no longer the apple of Endou's eyes. He was no longer special to him. Natsumi replaced his position.

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _Baby I know_

 _Kimi wa mou watashi no mono ja nai koto kurai_

「 _That you're not mine anymore_ 」

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

He knows, Endou is no longer by his side. He no longer belong to him anymore. He found someone better. He found a replacement. It aches his heart to the deepest parts of it, but as long as he's happy, he himself should be happy for him. But to mask a smile each time he was around Endou would just break him day by day.

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _Demo doushitemo kimi ja nakya dame dakara_

「 _But I can't help it, you are the one for me because_ 」

 _You are the one_

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

But he can't help it, how is he going to erase someone who gave him so much to remember? It was all hopeless. Endou was the only one. The one his heart desires.

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _Aitakute aitakute furueru_

「 _I miss you, I miss you so much I'm shaking_ 」

 _Kimi omou hodo tooku kanjite_

「 _The more I think of you the further away you feel_ 」

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

' _Endou…'_ His tears rolled down his cheeks, the cheeks the brunette used to pinch teasingly. Kazemaru remembered those days, the days they were together. But fate was cruel, as it parted them, as distant as possible. He could feel that somewhere above him, God was laughing at him. Kazemaru Ichirouta, once was happily dating his childhood friend, and now, he was gone before his very eyes. He missed him, to be in his embrace, to hear his sweet nothings, being loved by him.

But reminiscing what's behind him doesn't change a single thing, it only made him suffer even more. The more he dug up his memories, the more he reminds himself that he's happy with someone else. And the more he reminds himself, the more he objected the truth.

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _Mou ichido futari modoretara_

「 _If we could just go back to the way we were…_ 」

 _Todokanai omoi my heart and feelings_

「 _My love won't reach you, my heart and feelings_ 」

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

He exited the bathroom after a refreshing shower, hoping that it would prevent him from another sad memory of him and Endou. He walked to his room, and got ready for nothing in particular. It was a weekend, he had nothing to do, much to Kazemaru's dismay. He rummaged the book shelf, trying to find a thick book to avoid nostalgia. After taking a random book, he walked to the living room, the spot he and Endou would cuddle - Ah, not again. He ignored his thoughts and opened the book. In the very first page, he saw some random scribbles. Wait, scribbles?

He took a closer look at it, finally realizing it was Endou's horrible writing. Wait, wasn't this the book he got on his birthday a few years ago? Ah, he remembers how they'd spent each other's birthdays, which was with silly contests such as who can smile wider, who can do the best impression of whoever they wanted, who can read faster, who can drink more and also gift giving. It was only a few days later he'll be a year older, and yet, he knew he won't spend it like their old traditions. If only everything could go back to normal… but even so, his love won't reach him, nor his feelings. Endou was far out of reach.

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _Aitai tte negatte mo aenai_

「 _I can wish to see you again but it won't happen_ 」

 _Tsuyoku omou hodo tsuraku natte_

「 _The more I think of you the more it hurts_ 」

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

He doesn't want anything for his birthday. He just wants a single wish to come true, for Endou to at least contact him. They've never contacted each other, both feeling the awkwardness, ever since **that** day. No matter how he wished, how he prayed, how he begged for Endou to at least say or text him a simple hello, he knows it was impossible. The word 'impossible' slapped some sense out of him.

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _Mou ichido kikasete uso demo_

「 _Even if it's a lie, say to me once more_ 」

 _Ano hi no you ni "suki da yo"tte_

「 _Like you did that day, "I love you…"_ 」

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

He desperately needed Endou, at least to be his friend once more. But everything might not happen again, like he did before **that** day. Those three simple words can both connect hearts and disconnect them as easy as that, the thought of it brought a sigh to escape Kazemaru's lips.

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _I love you hontou wa_

 _I love you, the truth is_

 _I'm in love with you baby_

 _I love you_

 _But still I can't tell my words of love_

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

He loves him, he really does. What is Kazemaru Ichirouta without Endou Mamoru? But the love between them is just one sided, the love he thought was true. But there were still feelings, the feelings Kazemaru just can't express correctly. All of a sudden, a memory of **that** day was flashed before his very eyes.

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

" _Shiawase ni natte ne" to_

「 _"_ _I hope you find happiness"_ 」 _  
Kimi no mae ja otonabutte_

「 _I try to act like an adult in front of you_ 」

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

The wedding reception was really an emotional challenge for the tealnette. He knew his position as Endou's lover was no more, and as a friend, he should support him. What shattered him most is weeks before the very moment, where the brunette texted him he was ready to propose to the auburn haired woman. That was a day after they cut all bonds as boyfriends. The moment he saw the text, Kazemaru's heart dropped. The tealnette hasn't even moved on from their break up, how was he able to accept the fact his ex was ready to propose? Let alone moving on so easily.

That day was the start of his emotional break down. He would stay in bed wrapped in his thick blanket, being the lump of sadness he is. He refused to eat, sleep let alone move. After almost a week, he heard a knock outside his apartment door, which was Hiroto and Midorikawa, getting him out of his depressed state because they were great friends of his. Kazemaru was Midorikawa's crying shoulder whenever something went wrong with his relationship with the red head, and Hiroto would go to him first before anyone else when it comes to advice. It was all thanks to the tealnette the two former aliea captains got married too, it was a somewhat thank you.

After a week or so, the sad lump was no more, Kazemaru Ichirouta was back on track. At least, he was before he received a small card. At first he felt deeply pained, but he expected it. He knew the invitation would come around eventually, and that was why it didn't affect him much. And at the reception, it wasn't anywhere near fine. He held back the urge to object, the urge to take Endou away before he got the chance to say 'I do', the urge to stop faking smiles whenever someone turned to him with a pitiful mien.

And at the party, he tried to avoid crying his eyes out with some catching up with friends and tasting the served food and beverages. And as soon as Endou called him, his heart stopped. "Oh no." He muttered under his breath before turning to the newly wedded groom, a fake smile masked. "Hey Endou." He greeted, bringing the signature smile of the former Inazuma Japan captain. "How's the party? Is the food good? How about the decorations? And—" his words were cut by the low ponytailed man. "The party's great, so is the food and decorations. No worries, you didn't mess up." He faked a grin, which was replied by a wider one.

"Look, Endou, I know it was a hard time between us and all, but I don't want any of that to bother you, nor me myself. I'm glad you chose the right choice, I hope you'll find the happiness you searched." He flashed yet again another fake smile. All the words he said ripped his heart one by one, but he tried acting like an adult. "Thanks Kaze. I hope you'll find it too."

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _Sonna koto kokoro no naka ja_

「 _But inside my heart_ 」 _  
Zettai ni omowa nai  
_ 「 _I don't feel that way at all_ 」

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

After the groom went to whatever he left off of, he stood there, motionless. The fake smile disappeared, as a train of thoughts came in. He knew he wanted to act like an adult, but deep in his heart, he didn't feel that way.

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _Baby I know_

 _Dare yori kimi no subete o shitteru no ni  
_ 「 _More about you than anyone else_ 」

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

The brown eyed man knew everything about the party. It was filled with most of the groom's favorite food and beverages, along with some unknown ones which might be the bride's favorites. The decorations were the same thing, little soccer balls here and there, but it was still classy. The place too, it was where Endou used to dream of their marriage back when they were together. Kazemaru knew his former lover all too well, maybe even more than Natsumi.

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _Demo doushitemo ano ko ja nakya dame na no?_

「 _So tell me why does it have to be her?_ 」

 _So tell me why_

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

But after thinking so, it only lead to one question, why did it have to be her? He knew almost everything about him, his habits, his fears, his dislikes, his favorite things, his smiles and grins, his family, too many to mention. The only thing he didn't know was his sudden change of plan to marry the daughter of the chairman at their former junior high. The most obvious answer was that she was better, but still. Natsumi was one of the many people who he competed for Endou's heart, and the said brunette didn't know her much. "Tell me why did you pick her?" He murmured under his breath.

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _Aitakute aitakute furueru_

「 _I miss you, I miss you so much I'm shaking_ 」

 _Kimi omou hodo tooku kanjite_

「 _The more I think of you the further away you feel_ 」

 _Mou ichido futari modoretara_

「 _If we could just go back to the way we were…_ 」

 _Todokanai omoi my heart and feelings_

「 _My love won't reach you, my heart and feelings_ 」

 _Aitai tte negatte mo aenai_

「 _I can wish to see you again but it won't happen_ 」

 _Tsuyoku omou hodo tsuraku natte_

「 _The more I think of you the more it hurts_ 」

 _Mou ichido kikasete uso demo_

「 _Even if it's a lie, say to me once more_ 」

 _Ano hi no you ni "suki da yo"tte_

「 _Like you did that day, "I love you…"_ 」

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

Kazemaru clutched the book tightly as his tears were left rolling down his cheeks. He was desperate. It has been about 2 years since their wedding, yet he still can't move on. After their wedding, he decided to start a new life. A life without having to worry about the dreaded past, a happier life, a more relaxed life. And to start his new life, he decided to cut his long locks. He remembered how the brunette used to praise his long beautiful hair, as it was he who gave the red hair tie as a symbol of their new found friendship back then. That was the sole reason he kept his hair long. But in the end, his hair grew reaching his shoulders. And now, he keeps it in a half moon ponytail with the same red hair tie.

Ah, there he goes again. Thinking about him, he who is already too far to reach, feels much further away now. There was no mere possibility that his feelings would reach him, if only things were back the way it should. He'd still be with the man he loved, and he was sure Natsumi can find another person. She possessed most criteria of a good wife, most though. He wished for it, but he knew wishes won't come true. A simple wish to see Endou? To hear his voice once more? To hear him say 'I love you'? Like that'll happen.

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _Nando mo "aishiteru" to_

「 _I said that I loved you so many times_ 」

 _Itte ta noni doushite_

「 _So why is it like this?_ 」

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

"What went wrong?" Kazemaru muttered with a raspy voice. How long has he been crying? Honestly he didn't know what went wrong with his love life. One time he loved and was loved by his best friend, and on another everything went black, and he was no longer with him. The tealnette said the three words they both love a lot, although he's defeated by the amount of Endou's but still quite a lot.

He loved the brunette sincerely, no secrets, no cheating. But how are things like this? Why was there a plot twist, a twist he didn't expect the least bit of.

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _Dakishime te yasashii koe de_

「 _Hold me in your arms_ 」

 _Namae o yon de mouichido_

「 _And gently say my name once more_ 」

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

" _Endou…"_ He needed someone to hold him in their arms and say 'everything's gonna be okay', someone to gently rub his back to calm him down, someone to care for him, someone to gently call his name. But no one could do it like the brunette he longed for. "Kazemaru" a voice was heard from what he thought was the other side of his apartment door. 'Could it be?' He thought with high hopes. He walked to the door, not caring how bad he must've looked like after crying his eyes out. He gently twisted the door knob revealing…

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

 _Aitakute aitakute furueru_

「 _I miss you, I miss you so much I'm shaking_ 」

 _Kimi omou hodo tooku kanjite_

「 _The more I think of you the further away you feel_ 」

 _Mou ichido futari modoretara_

「 _If we could just go back to the way we were…_ 」

 _Todokanai omoi my heart and feelings_

「 _My love won't reach you, my heart and feelings_ 」

 _Aitai tte negatte mo aenai_

「 _I can wish to see you again but it won't happen_ 」

 _Tsuyoku omou hodo tsuraku natte_

「 _The more I think of you the more it hurts_ 」

 _Mou ichido kikasete uso demo_

「 _Even if it's a lie, say to me once more_ 」

 _Ano hi no you ni "suki da yo"tte_

「 _Like you did that day, "I love you…"_ 」

*ೄ*✻٭:*ೄ*✻٭ೄ*✻* ೄ*✻٭:*:.｡..

No one. Absolutely no one. It was all an illusion his mind made, and he fell for it. He was stupid enough to believe Endou would actually visit a lump of sadness like him. He closed the door, scratch that, he slammed it and stomped to his bedroom with a picture of him and his former lover. It was the picture they took on Valentine's Day years ago, the best valentine gift ever in his view.

The two came to a beach at night, enjoying the calming sounds of the sea, the beautiful ocean illuminated by the moon, the visible constellations, and the calm aura it gives to its surroundings, especially the candlelit dinner the brunette set up near the beach. He also remembered the joke the soccer freak told him about how Tsunami might possibly be lurking around. _Drip_ , a tear dropped from his cheeks and to the photo frame.

Oh how he missed everything. But thinking of it only stabbed his heart more, also made him feel so much further away from the brunette. He wishes for everything to rewind, but it was all impossible. Oh how he wished for his love to reach him, so he can say it once more, even if it's a lie _"I love you"_.

ﾟ･*: _End_ :*･

ﾟ･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡. .｡.:*･

Just a little something for EnKaze day today! It's kinda weird but oh well. I'm thinking of making some character x reader one shots, but since I'm no good in making main character one shots, I'll make minor character ones! I'd highly appreciate reviews, this is my first character x character fic so yeah.

ﾟ･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡. .｡.:*･


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